טיפע רעיונות פון הגאון רבי אביגדור מיללער זצ"ל

[SPUSMN]

What are some guidelines to determine whether someone needs a vacation or whether the idea is merely the counsel of the Yetzer Hara (inclination for evil)?

Each person’s case must be individually considered. If you enjoy your work, then you don’t need a vacation.

That’s not a vacation. You’re only following in the footsteps of the herd. On vacation—besides spending a lot of money that you need—puts you in unaccustomed places. You’ll overeat in hotels, and you’ll be on the go.

Such a vacation actually doesn’t help at all; you’re worn out after two weeks of hectic traveling. That’s not a vacation. It’s just a cliché: you’re only following in the footsteps of the herd, and you’ll come back dead tired. Most people are better off if they don’t take any of these vacations.

But if a person does need a vacation, let him remain home and sleep it out for two weeks. Then he’ll come back to work with a new zest. Of course nobody will listen to this, but I’m saying it anyhow.

(#518, Starting the Climb to Kedusha)

[SPUSMN]

Does Hashem Hold You Responsible for Your Character Traits?

We are responsible for our character. Don't say, "That's how I am!" That's untrue. We have free will and we are able to control out characters. For midos [character traits], everybody is accountable: men and women, and boys and girls. Character--that's the touchstone, that's the test by which all mitzvos and all aveiros [sins] are measured.

— The Complainer (#379)

[מונאוויטש]

If a person causes Shabbos to be pleasurable, let's say he's eating the cholent… it tastes good… he's enjoying the roasted potatoes… suppose he's not thinking about anything except the potatoes, is there reward for that?

You should know there is a reward for that, no question. Once a man gets in his mind the idea that Shabbos is a time of pleasure, it in itself is an achievement. However, if you want to achieve much more, then when you're eating the potatoes, say Baruch Hashem that He created potatoes. Once upon a time, we had no potatoes in Europe; when Captain John Smith came from America, he brought potatoes to Europe. People were amazed! A whole bagel came out of the ground! Like this, you have to grind up the wheat, and make the flour, the dough and bake it, and here a whole bagel comes out of the ground. So it began to spread, and some nations lived only on potatoes, like the Irish.

Now you have to thank Hashem for the chesed of potatoes, and for the chesed of a gas range that causes the potatoes to turn brown, for the chesed that He gave you so many other good things to go along with the potatoes. However, Shabbos is especially a time to think of Brias Ha'olam shel chesed. If a person is enjoying the potatoes and not thinking anything, it's worthwhile. If a person is enjoying the potatoes, the cholent, and thinking of the chesed Hashem in giving him the potatoes, also worthwhile. But if He thinks of the Shabbos as the commemoration of Brias Olam shel chesed, now he is reaching the top of the ladder. That's not difficult; it's easy to think these thoughts.

Therefore the taanug of the ma'acholei Shabbos should bring us to big madraigos of recognizing the ways of Hashem. Darchei Hashem chesed ve'emes, His ways are all kindliness, and therefore how great is the appreciation of the Shabbos meals.

It says, Avrohom yo'gel, Avrohom is happy when he sees his descendants enjoying the Shabbos. When you enjoy the Shabbos, you honor the Shabbos; you appreciate the Shabbos, it's a tremendous zechus for our Avos; Avrohom has nachas from us. Of course, you give him more nachas if you'll add the higher madraigos of recognizing the gedulas Hashem and recognizing that Brias Ha'olam is kulo chesed, then surely Avrohom yo'gel, and it's a nachas for Yitzchok and Yaakov when they see that their grandchildren are utilizing the Shabbos in such a way.

Shabbos should be utilized to appreciate the gashmius of Shabbos; the gashmius of Shabbos is our ruchnius, and that's our way of showing our understanding of the darchei Hashem, that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is chosid be'chol maasov, He does chesed in everything.


A Moment with Rabbi Avigdor Miller Zt"l #341
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210

[מונאוויטש]

Could it really be correct what you are saying that the Holocaust was due to the cooling off in the enthusiasm, in view of the fact that there were so many yeshivos and so many rabbis in Europe?

And the answer is, there certainly were yeshivos. Certainly, there were great rabbis. But there certainly were great cultures of atheism. You have to know that the Bund in Poland was one of the major parties among Jews. The Bund was a radical party. It was a Marxist party and it drew the second biggest number of votes in the Jewish election. The first biggest number was the leftist Zionists. And the leftist Zionists were not much better than the Bund. The leftist Zionists were also Marxists and they ran the tarbut school system. It was the biggest school system in eastern Europe. And in the tarbut schools children were taught to be atheists. I was in Europe from 1932 to 1938, and I saw how fast they were rolling downhill. And therefore, there’s no question, if we'll be most charitable, we'll have to say it was because of cooling off. We’re being charitable when we say “cooling off.” It was actually much worse than that. That was the reason for the Hollocaust.

-- TAPE # 338

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

Should we love irreligious Jews?

The answer is that a brother means somebody who is achicha be’mitzvos, he’s "your brother in mitzvos." If he's your brother in accepting the obligation of Torah, then he’s a brother. If he doesn't, then he's not your brother. That's what the gemara says. And therefore you're absolved from the duty of loving him.

There's only one loophole in that. Sometimes it's not his fault. He's ignorant, he's a Tinok shenishba bein ha’akim, he's a child kidnapped among gentiles and he doesn't know anything. However, that's a question in halacha. Some say that if he's a Tinok shenishba bein ha’akim so it's not his fault, and therefore, all the privileges we should give him. It doesn’t mean you make him the rosh yeshiva, but you should have to love him too.

But Rabbi Chaim Brisker said "nebach an apikores iz oich an apikores." Anybody who is a disbeliever, even though it's not his fault, nebach, means it's a pity on him; it’s a nebach on him but he's still an apikores. And therefore he's outside of the pale of our affections. So that's what they say; that since he’s not a believer, since he doesn't accept the ol torah - there are those who don’t believe in matan Torah min hashamayim, and many of them don't believe even in a Borei - so we can't include them in achicha. They’re not counted as our brothers.

-- TAPE # 528

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

Should we teach our children that Hashem loves all Jews or that He loves frum Jews?

You should always tell your children that Hashem loves frum Jews. Hashem loves those Jews who are loyal to Him. You should always be saying these words in your home. No question about it. Teach them that Hashem loves frum Jews. “Oheiv amo Yisroel.” “Es amchah Yisroel.” It is the frum Jews who are Hashem’s people. This is a very important lesson for your children – and for yourselves as well.

Hakodosh Boruch Hu loves the Jews who are loyal to him. And if you’re not loyal to Him then He doesn’t love you. And even if it’s not your fault because you’re a tinok she’nishba – still I always quote Rav Chaim Brisker that “nebach an apikoris is still an apikoris.”

And by the way, we love the Jews whom Hashem loves. We love the Jews who are loyal to Hashem. And the more of a tzadik a person is, the more you have to love him. Hashem is “oihev tzadikim”, so we are oihev tzadikim. And therefore it’s a great tragedy to see a Jew who is not frum. A great tragedy. And therefore, if you can help bring somebody back to Torah, then you’re saving his neshama and you’re doing him the biggest favor possible.

-- TAPE #E 228

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

כי תכלית כונתם כל ימי חייהם, להמציא אומה שתדע השם ותעבדהו, כי ידעתיו למען אשר יצוה את בניו ואת ביתו אחריו.
(מורה נבוכים ג נא)

The Rambam says that the sole desire of the Avos was “Li’ha’amid umah ovedes es Hashem” – to establish a nation that would serve Hashem. So why did Yakov wait until he was in his 60’s to get married?

Why did Yakov Avinu postpone getting married until later in life? And the answer is that when you have to succeed at a very important mission, the preparation for that mission is very crucial for its success. Suppose you have to accomplish something like building a tall office building. You will have to spend a lot of time and effort in making the plans for the building. It takes a long time to draw up plans for such a building.

Now, Yakov Avinu getting married and having children was immensely more important than building a skyscraper. His getting married and having children was an accomplishment adei ad. He had to accomplish the building of a nation. And therefore, he had to prepare himself with the utmost shleimus.

A young man of twenty-one gets married and he makes all kinds of mistakes. He doesn’t have the experience needed because he didn’t learn too much about it. But little by little, by trial and error and some troubles, he is able to settle down after a while. But all types of trouble come up.

Yakov Avinu couldn’t afford trial and error. He couldn’t afford such a thing because he was building – he was creating – a nation. His kavanah was “li’ha’amid umah ovedes es Hashem.” And that’s exactly why he had to make himself as perfect as he could be. And therefore, he spent all the time that he could preparing for his role as the progenitor – as the founder of the Am Ha’Kodosh.

-- TAPE #E-258

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

If being a Torah Jew is so enjoyable, why are there so few Torah Jews?


Let me ask you something, a parallel question. You know, it's enjoyable to have good health. And it's possible to have good health. So why are so few people availing themselves of opportunity to having good health? You know, if every day you would take a brisk forty-five-minute walk, and if you would eat your meals on time every time, and go to sleep on time every day, you would be a healthy and happy person. You should drink a glass of water every morning before davening, and be careful to avoid sugar and sweets; don't overeat!

You know, it's possible to live a happy life! So why are there so many lunatics? You see them coming out of the cake stores, bakeries, carrying big paper boxes full of cakes. It's poison. Pastries with icing. Why is there a world full of so many lunatics? You can see the evidence on every block. Liquor stores everywhere. A liquor store is a sign that there are crazy people in the world. You need liquor like you need a hole in your shoe. So why are there so many liquor stores?

And the answer is that the world is throwing away opportunities for living happy lives. If they would smash the television and they would go out every day in the fresh air, around the block a few times, it would give them a different kind of a hold on life. Their eyes would sparkle, their cheeks would be red. They'd go to sleep early and get up early. They'd be living a life of happiness.

The truth is, happiness is available. I didn’t outline it yet. I'd be happy to speak about it more some other time. But there's a great deal of joy in this world that the vast majority of mankind hasn’t even begun to tap! There's so much happiness; enjoying the weather, enjoying the zest of the wind, enjoying the slap of the rain on your face. Enjoying the sunshine, taking a pleasure in the winter and the summer. There's so much fun in the seasons! If you learn how to taste each season you’ll find that each season has its own savor. And you’ll look forward to the zest of winter. You look forward to the delicious quality of summer. You look forward to spring and to autumn. There should be a song in your mind for every month. Every month is its own song! There’s a song, "Achta liba august"- a German song. Achta liba august; ah, the lovely August. But you could sing the same about every month. There’s a song, "There's Nothing Like a Day in September." There's a song like that. There's another song, "October." If you learn all these songs, you'll be singing your own songs, "How beautiful is January," and "How wonderful is February." We have to learn how to enjoy life. You know that it’s a big chochma to learn how to enjoy life.

Now there are a lot of frummeh who don't have any sense. And they say, "Enjoying life? This world you want to enjoy? No!" And so, these frum fools are missing out on life. There's so much to get out of this world. You know how much fun it is just to have your two feet and your two arms and your two eyes and your two kidneys? It's so much fun! If you don't believe me, ask a man in a wheelchair, sitting with a blanket over his knees. If you pick up the blanket, you'll see there's nothing underneath. He doesn't have any feet. Suppose he could have one foot. Just one foot! Now he could hop around on crutches. He'd be a millionaire! And you have two of them?! So you’re a multi-millionaire! There's so much happiness in life, you can go meshugah from happiness!

So you're asking me a kasha, if Torah Judaism is so much fun, why are there so few Torah Jews? So I ask you, why are there so many lunatics who are ruining their health, ruining their teeth, ruining their stomachs, ruining their hearts! You know people are eating their hearts out by fighting all the time, and worrying! Recrimination (accusations) in the house! Eating themselves up! There are a thousand and one things that people are causing themselves. Diabetes is usually caused by people fighting, by quarreling. Heart attacks are the result of excitation. People are excited and quarreling. How many family tragedies take place over the biggest narishkeiten?!

"Your mother said this," and "His mother said this," and there's a whole tragedy! I hear it every day. And people die of that. Here’s a woman who had cancer and died young because she had a bad husband. A wicked husband. He killed her! He murdered her with his wickedness. Here’s a man who had a heart attack because his wife always egged him on until he lost his temper. And finally in the midst of a burst of temper he fell dead. People die from emotions. If people would train themselves to live quietly, not to take anything seriously, to laugh it off, and instead to learn the science of being a sameach be’chelko, then their lives would be different.

* * *

So you asked me a question, why are there so many people who don't understand the joy of being a frum Jew? The joy of sitting shabbos around the table with your family singing zemiros! You know what a geshmak that is? You're sitting with your sons and leading them in zemiros. You have to have children of course. If you don’t have any children, then it’s just an empty table. If you want to practice ZPG (Zero Population Growth) by not having any children, so what can you expect in an empty house already? But here's a man with ten children. And they're all singing; it's a choir. Ah, a pleasure, a taanug. It's oilem hazeh; it's gan eden in this world!

Of course, the housewife is putting all of her talents into making delicious viands for Shabbos, and that makes the Shabbos so delicious! And everybody is smacking their lips and diving into it; they're enjoying it. They’re enjoying the shabbos. And everybody takes a nap. Instead of sitting behind the steering wheel and smelling the man in front of you, his gas fumes coming out of his exhaust, you're sitting around your table with your children. And then you go to sleep; it’s quiet and peaceful. Then you get up, and everybody is learning, going to shul, your family is together. The happiness of a true Orthodox life!

Why are there so few people who don't have the sense to live a normal life? Go ask them.

-- TAPE # 403

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

How would a bochur today go about acquiring the amount of secular knowledge that you have?

And the answer is that I don’t have much. The little bit that I have, I show off and I make a big fuss, a whole fuss about it... But I don’t have much.

-- TAPE # 613

* * *

Who was wiser, Avraham Avinu or Shlomo Hamelech?

And the answer is, I don't know. If I ever find out I’ll tell you. Shlomo was definitely wiser than the famous wise men that they knew in history. But Avraham Avinu was something different, I cannot tell you. Avraham was such a pioneer that I’m not able to say if he's included in that. I just don't know. If you find out, you'll tell me.

-- TAPE # 403

* * *

How much mussar is a person supposed to learn? Since Reb Chaim Volozhener says you need only about ten minutes, is that enough?

How much sleep does a person need? Since the Gra slept only two hours a night, what, are you going to sleep only two hours a night? Everybody has to know what his kochos are. And we need a lot of mussar! Ten minutes of mussar is wonderful, but it’s not enough.

-- TAPE # 527

* * *

How can you prevent assimilating with goyim in public school?

And the answer is, nobody should go. Question, how can you prevent yourself from drowning in the Atlantic Ocean? And the answer is, keep your feet dry. Anybody who wants to take a dip in the Atlantic Ocean has to know that he has to be a good swimmer. And children don't know how to swim against assimilation.

-- TAPE # 490


Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

We have an obligation to love Hashem and to love our fellow Jews. Whom do we have to love more, G-d or man?

You have to love Hakadosh Baruch Hu with all your heart. So it leaves no space for any competition. Only that Hakadosh Baruch Hu says that you have to obey Him and you have to love your fellow Jews. And by doing that, you are loving Hashem. Part of loving Hashem is loving your fellow Jew. If a person however, forgets about Hashem, and he thinks he'll concentrate with all his heart on loving his fellow man, that man is wasting his life. Now, it’s a great thing to love your fellow man - but that’s only if you do it however in the service of Hashem. If you do it because you love Hashem, then you're living successfully.

And therefore there's no question about the answer: Veahavta es Hashem Elokecha bechol levavecha - You have to love Hashem with all your heart, and that means that there’s no room for anything else. The Chofetz Chaim, we are told, was a very kindly man. He went out of his way to help people. But he wasn’t exceptional in inviting people to his home. He used to help people find places to stay. He used to pay money to support them when they were visiting in his town. He paid for their lodging, for their food. But to take people into his home, he didn't do that - he wasn't so generous. And somebody explained that this was because he didn't want to divide his loyalties to Hashem. He couldn't be a crony, he couldn't sit around all evening talking with his guests. He used to spend his time studying the Torah or even in solitude with Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

So a man who was in love with Hashem, he couldn’t share his time freely with other people. And so although his heart was in gemilas chassadim; he was instrumental in founding free lone societies everywhere. He was busy helping poor brides, poor yeshiva men. He gave advice to everyone, he was available for all those in need. He did all the good deeds that you can imagine. And yet he didn't spend much time with other people; if he could avoid being a crony and hanging around together with people he did that. Because it detracted from his loyalty, his allegiance, and his clinging to Hashem. And bechol levovcho means with all your heart, with no divided loyalties.

-- TAPE #555

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

If a man has to work at making a living, where does a kollel life come in?

I'll answer you like this: There was once a man here in the shul who told me that he'd like to quit work and become a kollel man. Now, I'm an old hand when it comes to these types of things, so I told him, "What you really mean is the first half. That's what you'd like to do." He wants to quit work, period.

I'll answer you like this: There was once a man here in the shul who told me that he'd like to quit work and become a kollel man. Now, I'm an old hand when it comes to these types of things, so I told him, "What you really mean is the first half. That's what you'd like to do." He wants to quit work, period.

So I said to him, "You keep on working. Don't quit just yet. And we'll do it like this: Every Sunday become a kollel man! Every Sunday morning pack a lunch and go off to the kollel. And tell your wife that you won't be home until 7 o'clock at night." And I told him, "If you'll do this faithfully every week, if every Sunday you'll be a kollel man, then we'll talk about Monday too." Well, that's all it was. It didn't go any further than that.

-- TAPE # 204 (February 1978)

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

How can frum parents not allow their daughter to marry a bum if Yakov Avinu was punished for locking Dina in a box in order to prevent her from marrying Eisav?

Yakov Avinu was punished for refusing to allow his daughter to marry Eisav?! No, no. That’s not true. He wasn’t punished for that.

Let me explain. When Yakov Avinu was about to meet Eisav, he put his daughter, Dina, in a box. He put her in the box and nailed on the cover. And as he nailed on the cover, he banged in the nails with a cheishek. And he was doing the right thing. He was protecting his daughter.

So what was the criticism of Yakov? This was the criticism. Why did you bang in the nails with such a cheishek?! You should have nailed it in with tears. You should have cried and said, “I’m so sorry that I have to conceal my daughter from my own brother. If only Eisav was a mentch I’d be able to marry off my daughter to him. I’m so sorry that it came to this.”

But there’s no question that Yakov was michuyav to conceal his daughter from Eisav! What do you think? That he should take his daughter and feed her to a wild lion – lifnei am ha’aretz?! If a man marries his daughter off to an am ha’aretz then he must know that he has ruined her life.

Yakov Avinu wasn’t punished for refusing to give Dina to Eisav. He had to refuse. Only that he should have regretted it. Now, of course he regretted it. But in the strict and piercing eyes of Hashem he didn’t regret it enough. He should have cried out, “I’m so sorry that I have to do this!” And that’s what he was punished for. Why weren’t you sorry? Why didn’t you feel terrible regret that your brother was not worthy? But absolutely Yakov had to refuse. That wasn’t a cheit at all. Not at all.

-- TAPE #E-265

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

If I see a fault in someone else does that I have that fault as well?

If you see a fault in someone else does that mean that you have that fault as well? No, not necessarily. But it’s a hint. Absolutely it’s a good hint. Why? Because the person that you’re looking at – does he see the fault in himself? You can be sure not. So maybe you’re looking in the mirror.

-- TAPE #E-204

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

Should a bochur go to Eretz Yisroel to learn?

I don’t really know if it’s always justified. We have good Yeshivas here in America. And you can become a gadol bi’Yisroel in the Yeshivas here. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t go, but I don’t think it’s a big necessity. I know talmidei chachomim who never left this country. They grew great and today they are the Roshei Yeshiva who head the biggest Yeshivas in America. And they never went to any place else except for America.

-- TAPE #E-180

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

If someone behaves properly, will that person be rewarded for influencing others to become better?

Absolutely! Anybody who is good and people see that, and are inspired to become better – that person will get schar for being mizakeh the rabim who follow his example.

-- TAPE #E-229

Credit: Toras Avigdor

* * *

לפי הנ"ל, אויב עמיצער פירט זיך אויף כדבעי און זיינע מעשים טובים האבן אן אומדירעקטע א השפעה לטובה אויף אנדערע אידן, גייט ער אריין אין די גדר פון זיכוי הרבים און דער שכר באגלייט דעם מענטשן לעולמי עד!

א"ל רבי אבא, אי הוה כתיב והנפש אשר עשו בחרן, הוה אמינא הכי, אלא ואת הנפש כתיב, את לאסגאה זכותא דכלהו נפשאן דהוו אזלי עמיה, דכל מאן דמזכה לאחרא ההוא זכותא תלייא ביה ולא אעדי (-זָזָה) מניה, מנלן דכתיב ואת הנפש אשר עשו בחרן, זכותא דאינון נפשן הוה אזיל עמיה דאברהם. (זהר הק' פ' לך לך)

[מונאוויטש]

If it’s true what the Rav said tonight that a mother can have such an important influence on a child’s spiritual development, why did Eisav turn out so bad? Why didn’t Rivka’s righteousness make Eisav a better person?

And his father’s righteousness? Do you also think that he wasn’t influenced by his father’s righteousness either? Yes?! Why not his father’s righteousness? Why are you only worried about his mother’s influence?

And the answer is that he was influenced. He was influenced by both. Eisav was influenced by his mother and his father. But he didn’t utilize the influence. Eisav didn’t have to be a rasha. Now, Yaakov Avinu utilized the influence and became very great. And Eisav, wasn’t like you think, a wicked fellow, like – I don’t want to say like who because I don’t want to insult Eisav... But Eisav is blamed for not utilizing what he should have utilized. He had the opportunity to use the influence of his mother and father, and he didn’t use it enough. And that’s why he’s blamed. A very great blame. That’s why he’s called a rasha. To grow up in such a great house and waste that opportunity of learning from these two great personalities, Yitzchok and Rivka! What a terrible waste. So it’s not a question of his mother or his father. Mother or father, it’s the same thing. Yitzchok and Rivka did what they had to do. It’s only a question of Eisav not using the opportunities that he was given.

-- TAPE # E-222

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

Based on what the Rav spoke about tonight, about how Avraham Avinu was careful to take a wife for Yitzchak only from his family and not from any of the converts he had made, would the Rav say that it’s proper to avoid being meshadech with a giyores?

Let me tell you something. To my knowledge, there have been sometimes cases of a giyores who have produced the best families of talmidei chachomim. Many fine, beautiful families began with a giyores.

Only that Avraham Avinu, at that time, was concerned with the future of a nation that didn’t even exist yet. He was creating a new nation. And therefore, it was imperative that he choose the best mother possible, to be the mother of that entire family, of that entire nation.

But today, the nation exists already. The am Yisroel already exists and therefore it’s different. And Rus is the model of a giyores that produced one of the best. If not for Rus, you wouldn’t have Tehillim and you wouldn’t have the Beis Hamikdash. It was Dovid Ha’melech who was the one who made the plans for the Beis Hamikdash. And if not for Rus, you wouldn’t have Shlomo and you wouldn’t have Mishlei. So many of the wonders of our nation, Tehillim, Mishlei, Koheles, Shir Ha’shirim are all because of a giyores. And many other achievements as well.

So today, there’s no problem with marrying a giyores. And many times you’ll find that she was one of the best. The very best!

However, if there are plenty of other choices, and you can marry a girl who comes directly from Avraham Avinu, then naturally that’s first. That’s the first choice. But sometimes your best shiduch will be the giyores who has chosen out of her own free will to join our People. And you’ll be successful raising a fine family with a wife who is a giyores.

-- TAPE # E-165

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

If there's a principle that by doing wrong one is punished, when Dina was wronged by Shechem, what was the sin for which she was punished, and why was Shechem not punished?

Now, Shechem was punished; it states openly that they slew him by the sword. Dina was punished because it says vateizei Dinah, Dinah went out, liros bivnos ha'aretz, to look at the daughters of the land; that's a great error. A Jewish daughter should not mingle with any others. At night a Jewish child shouldn't go out into the street. The street even in the better days, the street is a Gehinnom; today it's a Gehinnom sh'b-Gehinnom. But even eighty years ago, if a parent allowed the child to walk out into the street at night, the child is going to mingle with goyim or with wicked Jews, and it's the fault of the parent and the child.

Therefore Dina, although her intentions to a certain extent were good. I'm sure Dina went out to see what could she do for the daughters of the land, because her father Yaakov was preaching. Wherever he went, vayikra beshem Hashem, just like his father and his grandfather did, and so she went out to see maybe she on her own can do something for the daughters of the land. Maybe she can make some kind of a little party and teach them about the Creator, make a brocho on something and teach them that He is the one who really created it. But you don't teach swimming lessons unless you can swim yourself, and don't try to teach other people when you are not impervious, when you're susceptible to bad influences.

A man called me up, he has a relative, a girl, and he wants to teach her to be frum, so I tell him, forget about it. It says Avrohom megayer es ha'anoshim not hanoshim. Men don't try to convert women, it's a dangerous business. Therefore Dina was not able to swim yet, and she went out to save somebody else, liros bivnos ha'aretz; don't look at the daughters of the land.

Leah, when she went out, she went out to get Yaakov, because she wanted to have a child from Yaakov, so she had a good purpose. The daughter was also, vateizei Dinah, the Gemara says it also was for a good purpose, but the purpose backfired because you have to be ready to change other people, otherwise they are going to change you.


A Moment with Rabbi Avigdor Miller Zt"l #357
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210

[מונאוויטש]

What's the difference between an otzel, the lazy man who is criticized by the sages, and a samayach b'chelko, one who is happy with his lot, and who is praised by the sages?

A lazy man, he's not necessarily satisfied with his lot, only he doesn't have the energy to change it. But he could be quite dissatisfied! In the slums you have a lot of people, who are not samayach b'chelkom - they're very angry that they have to be poor, they're complaining all the time. Only that they're too lazy, they're too irresponsible or shiftless to do anything about it.

A samayach b'chelko, on the other hand, is a man who has plenty of energy to do things but he feels that his lot is so satisfactory that there's no need to change. He's actually satisfied with his lot!

But according to this definition, a man would never become richer, because if he's samayach b'chelko he has everything that he needs?

So there are two things to consider however. First of all, what's the misfortune if he wouldn't become richer? If he's samayach b'chelko then he's rich enough. And secondly, there are plenty of fellows who no matter how much they have, they'll never be happy. So they'll be the ones who keep working to make more money - it's almost everyone.

But then the samayach b'chelko will never work harder, he'll never look for more opportunities to make money, right? So he'll never become rich.

So who says that there's a mitzvah to be rich? It's not so terrible. If he doesn't want to become rich, if he's happy, so let him remain that way. And secondly, sometimes a person becomes rich even without trying. It happens too.

There are some rich men who aren't samayach b'chelko, right?

I think all of them. And all of the poor people are also not samayach b'chelkom. The answer is nobody is samayach b'chelko. Only a very great man will stimulate his mind with the proper thoughts and create a mind that is truly happy with his lot. It takes work! You have to be an exceptional person, and exceptional people are very few and far between.

-- TAPE # R-22 (December 1972)

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

What would the Rav say that our attitude should be towards the holiday of Thanksgiving?

Our attitude is the same as it is towards any other gentile religious festival. Because that’s what Thanksgiving is. Even though Thanksgiving is accepted by the government authorities as a legal holiday, nevertheless it is a religious holiday. If you would bother to look into the encyclopedias where the kosher gentiles are speaking, you would become aware of this. In the encyclopedias, the kosher gentiles are speaking and you can accept their testimony. They themselves say that Thanksgiving is a religious holiday. And therefore, it is ossur for a Jew to do anything that would distinguish this day from any other day. And to eat turkey, in my humble opinion, would be avizraihu d’avodah zarah and is ya’harog v’al ya’avor. A person should do anything rather than participate in celebrating Thanksgiving because it’s like celebrating any other gentile religious day.

-- TAPE # 38 (November 1974)

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

Why do we wear a black hat more than any other type of hat? What’s the big deal with a black hat?

Very good question. And the answer is that if all the bnei torah would wear yellow hats, then we should all wear yellow hats. Color is not important. The main thing is to identify with the bnei torah, with the frummeh. A black hat is a tremendous zechus.

You know that a boy approaching bar mitzvah gets a pair of Tefillin that costs five, six, seven hundred dollars – even more than that – and he also gets a black hat. To me, the black hat is no less than the Tefillin. No less. The black hat shows that, v'sim chelkeinu imahem – I want my portion, my lot, in life to be together with the frummeh, together with the tzadikim. It’s so important!! v'sim chelkeinu imahem. I want to be together with them! It’s so important to demonstrate that you identify with the bnei torah, with the frummeh. And therefore, wearing a black hat is an extremely great achievement. When a boy in our shul puts on a black hat, I give him a mazel tov as if he’s putting on Tefillin. That’s how important it is.

And therefore, you shouldn’t waste that opportunity. Every time you put on your hat, you should think, you should say out loud, v'sim chelkeinu imahem. Don’t let your mother or your wife hear you, though. She might think something happened to you. But say out loud, “Thank you Hashem for placing my lot with the frummeh.” And a wife or a mother or a sister is no less. Whenever she sees her husband, her son, or her brother wearing a black hat, she should say to herself, “Boruch Hashem, my lot is with the frummeh, the tzadikim of klal Yisroel. Yes, wearing a black hat is a tremendous achievement.

-- TAPE # E-166

Credit: Toras Avigdor

[מונאוויטש]

After one hundred twenty years, what will women be asked in the din v'cheshbon?

I don't know what anybody's going to be asked, except a few questions, and the same questions apply to everybody. One question is, nososo v'nosato b'emuna, did you do business honestly? And honestly is not what you call honestly; honestly is what the Shulchon Aruch Choshen Mishpot calls honestly. If you are a bookbinder and you deliver the goods, did you paste all the pages in the right places? Or did you skip a few places? Because on thousands of books you make a lot of money if you skip just one place pasting. So you say, what's wrong, in general it's good? No, no... If you cheat even in the smallest thing, then you are very answerable for it, you'll have to explain what happened. And business is the most difficult thing of all, it's more difficult to be straight in business than to have a kosher kitchen, because the Choshen Mishpot is even bigger and more complicated than the Yoreh Deah, and this, people don't know.

To be honest in business is more important than to have a kosher house. Of course if you don't have a kosher house, then your honesty in business also doesn't mean anything, because it means that you're an honest Italian, not an honest Jew. An honest Jew is a Jew who keeps kosher and believes in Hakadosh Baruch Hu, he's honest because Hakadosh Baruch Hu requires it. Honesty in business is a prime requirement and you are going to be asked, nososo v'nosato b'emuna, and not what you think is b'emuna, what Hashem thinks is b'emuna.

And the next question is, asakto b'piryo v'rivyo, were you busy having children? If you practice contraception you are going to have a very red face. Was your house full of children? Were they driving you crazy? That's what they're supposed to do. Children are supposed to drive you crazy, and if you have dreams of a quiet and tranquil house, where everything is in place, then you don't know what a home is supposed to be.

A home is a place where children are romping and breaking things and driving you crazy, and that's normal, and for that you get Gan Eden. And a woman who has tzar gidul bonim, aino roeh pnei Gehinnom, she won't even look at Gehinnom. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, she had it already!

But it's not true, because she had it with Gan Eden together. As she was wiping up what a child who was walking around with diapers left on the floor, she's doing it with love; a mother loves the chores of attending the children. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu in his kindness will consider that Gehinnom. And those who are suffering from tzar gidul bonim, aino roeh pnei Gehinnom, they won't look at Gehinnom, even from a distance, they won't pass by it. There are a lot of things; everybody will be answerable, men and women.

Therefore, nobody should think that they are going to be spared on the Yom Hadin. Just because they don't have to put on tefillin; there are things that are much more difficult than tefillin.


A Moment with Rabbi Avigdor Miller Zt"l #450
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210

[מונאוויטש]

Why was there so much turbulence in Yaakov's life?

Why is there so much turbulence inside of a washing machine? If there wasn't turbulence, then your clothes would come out the same as when you put them in, but because there is turbulence in the washing machine the clothes come out white. You have to be tumbled; and that's what's good for us, we are tumbled in life in order to make us better.

You know what Yaakov accomplished? When Yaakov was in his father's house he was sitting in tranquility. He certainly was making progress. Even his mother was a great Rosh Yeshiva, he learned from his mother too; there was a lot to learn from his mother. Shma b'ni mussar avicha v'al titosh toras imecha, don't forsake the teachings of your mother! He had a great mother and he learned from her.

He also learned from Shem v'Ever, a great Yeshiva, fourteen years. But you know when he came out of Lavan's house, he was the best that he ever was. Lavan's yeshiva was the very best place, because in Lavan's yeshiva he's being tumbled, he's subject to a turbulent environment. The trouble with Lavan made him great.

It says Vayhi li shor v'chamor tzon v'eved v'shifcha. When he came out of Lavan's house he had a SHOR, that's bchor shoro hadar lo, that's Yosef; the CHAMOR, that's Moshiach, oni v'rochev al chamor; TZOIN, is tzoin Yisroel; EVED, Moshe Rabbeinu eved Hashem; SHIFCHA, that's Rus l'bais Dovid. All these great things happened to him because he was in the house of Lavan. He took the drubbing (beating) that Lavan gave him, he took the difficulties of Lavan's character, and he utilized them to become great.

He said everything is for the good. When he was in Lavan's difficult house and he served Lavan, bchol kochi avadti es avichen, with all my koach I served you, by day and by night, in the heat of summer or the cold of the winter. He took it because he knew Hakadosh Baruch Hu was giving him the best, that's why he became the best.

Don't think Yaakov was unhappy, he wasn't unhappy; he enjoyed the difficulty, he rose to meet the challenge, and he conquered. Ki sarisa im elokim anashim, you conquered, elokim means the yetzer horah, anashim, and you conquered men, that's Eisav and Lavan, vatuchal, and you won out. And that's why you're called Yisroel, because you utilized the difficult circumstances and you became great.

Therefore whatever happened to Yaakov was for Yaakov's benefit. But above all realize, Yaakov understood it; Yaakov knew it. He realized it and therefore got the full benefit.


A Moment with Rabbi Avigdor Miller Zt"l #401
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210

[מונאוויטש]

How did Yaakov make such a fatal step of showing favoritism to Yosef?

Yosef was entirely deserving because when Yosef demonstrated his concern for the ideals of his family, by supervising the activities of the brothers and bringing the reports to the father, any accusations or complaints. So Yaakov saw that this was a man who carried the responsibility of the nation on his shoulders; he didn't say it's none of my business.

Yosef was concerned, and even small things, small blemishes he reported to the father in order to make sure that the family remained perfect. When Yaakov saw that Yosef was born for leadership – the true leadership is a man interested in preserving the ideals of our family and our nation – so he gave him a garment of authority. V'asa lo ksones passim, he gave him a varicolored coat, a coat of royalty, to show that he's a leader.


He wanted thereby to arouse competition among the brothers. Kinas sofrim tarbeh chochmo, envy for good things causes wisdom to flourish. Don't teachers l'havdil in the classroom give prizes to children who excel in learning? Because they want others to be envious and to try to outdo this one, and that was Yaakov Avinu's motivation. However, the fact that it backfired is a lesson for us. The Gemara says therefore we learn: never give a gift to any of your children unless you give it to all of them, this we have to learn.

So you people that are young and don't have children, and those of you that have children, don't give any gifts to your children unless everybody gets the same. Now if one child happens to need a bigger gift, tell him to keep his mouth closed. Make him solemnly promise, because it will cause the greatest trouble. Don't think that the other children don't care.

The Gemara says, l'olam al yeshane adam bno bein habonim, never show a preference for one child among the other children. When you give gifts, don't give any gifts or give everybody. And the Gemara says because of that we went into exile. We went down to Egypt because of that, and we have to learn that lesson.

Yaakov didn't have a Chumash yet, we have a Chumash, it's our job to study the Chumash and to benefit by the lessons.


A Moment with Rabbi Avigdor Miller Zt"l #403
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210

[מונאוויטש]

Why is it that we find Matisyahu and other tzadikim in the older generations carried swords and today a Rosh Yeshiva would never think about owning a weapon?

The truth is that not only roshei yeshiva, but even bums shouldn't carry weapons today. Because it's not necessary. Unless you're going to go at night through Bedford Stuyvesant, or take a walk through Harlem; but then a sword wouldn't help you anyway. You'd have to have a shotgun. Or an armored car. Because they also have shotguns, so what will your shotgun help you?

Besides, Matisyahu wasn't in the habit of carrying a sword. Only that he knew what was going to happen that day, so he put a sword under his cloak. But in general, it doesn't pay to carry weapons today at all. If you're a man of peace and you're not armed, you're more likely to survive. Once you pull a knife, then you cannot tell what the other party will do. He'll get desperate and who knows what he'll do!

That's also why I don't approve of learning karate for self-defense purposes. What good is it you know the ways and means of tackling an opponent, if the opponent will be standing behind a door ready to jump you as you pass by? And these bums won't play by the rules of karate. They hurl knives. Some of them have learned how to hurl knives from a distance. And the knife reaches the victim with the point first. They hurl knives and they shoot guns. So what is it going to help if you learn karate? Karate won't help against the bullet.

So the best karate is to stay home. Don't go out at night. And if you're stuck and you're confronted by bums, the best self-defense is to just keep quiet and empty out your pockets and give them everything. That's the best karate.

I always say over the Chinese proverb, "The biggest hero is the one who survives. The one who runs away, that's the hero."

-- TAPE # 391 (December 1981)

Credit: Toras Avigdor