באקומען אין אימעיל

[קרעמער]

סאכדעס;

אבי האט מיר געפרעגט רשות, און איך האב אים געזאגט עס איז נישט קיין פראבלעם ארויפצולייגן דאס ווערטל.

[abimlaibt]

שכח פארן מייסד פארן מיך אפווישן, כאב אים דאס געזאגט אין אישי (ליין:פערזענליך).
און טאקע נאר ווייל כאב באקומען דעם גרין לייט איז עס אריין.

[ליפא]

A man asks his friend "How do you feed your fish on Pesach- seeing that their usual food is Chometz?"



"Simple", says the friend. "I grind up some Matzah and throw it into the fish tank".



The man asks: "but that's "GEBROKTS !!"



His friend replies: "No worries about that. They're LitFISH…"

[מאשקע]

Cha cha cha...

[3x0]

אזויווי איך האב געשריבן אין אן אנדערע אשכול, נאר איין אנדערע נאמען.

ליפא, גוט. מאשקע, בעסער...

[ליפא]

א נייע און גרינגערע וועג פאר בדיקת חמץ......

עטעטשמענטס

google_chometz.jpg (49.59 KiB) געזעהן געווארן 965 מאל

[זיידעניו]

ליפא ווי אייביג
א שמייכל ווי שטענדיג

[קרעמער]

דאס איז דאך אלטע נייעס פאר אונז תושבי הקרעטשמע, שוין מיט א יאר-צוויי צוריק איז דאס דא ארויפגעשטעלט געווארן דורך א געוועזענער מיטגליד.

[farshlufen]

ליפא:

א דאנק
איך זעה עס איצט צום ערשטן מאל.

[דארפסמאן]

חא חא חא שכוח ליפא

[abimlaibt]

Retirement plans compared...



If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.



With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000.



With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.



If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.



If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left ..



But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.00.



Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.



This is called the 401-Keg Plan.

[אנדי פעטיט]

פיין פיין!

[יאנאש]

עמוק עמוק.

[אנדי פעטיט]

עס קען זיין אז דאס איז שוין געווען דא אמאל אבער עס איז א גוטס און עס שאדט נישט צו לייגען נאך אמאל.

עטעטשמענטס

schwartz.wma [ 175.71 KiB | געזעהן געווארן 613 מאל ]

[3x0]

יא געווען, נישט געווען, דו האסט דיך אנגעשטרענגט עס ארויף צו לייגן, און איך האב הנאה געהאט דערפין, וויל איך דיר זאגן א גרויסן שכוח.

[דארפסמאן]

טאקע שוין דא געווען , אבער נאכאמאל געלאכט

[farshlufen]

I made an oil delivery to an old guy in Ellenville named Henry Brooks.He was in a hurry, because he had a Dentist appointment to get new false teeth, can find the old ones. About a week later he called us, and asked if we could get him a new toilet, so we did. When I took the new toilet over, he explained that I was going to install it for him. I explained that we don't do plumbing work!!So after I was done installing the new toilet, I carried the old one down two flights of stairs, set it down in the driveway. Thats when I realized Henry got a new toilet,and his OLD false teeth back,he told me I could keep the old toilet but he wanted his old teeth back

[farshlufen]

Subject: Law of the Garbage Truck


One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We
were driving in the right lane when suddenly a car jumped out of a
parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his
breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of
the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi
driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really
friendly.

So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined
your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver
taught me what I now call 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run
around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of
disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it
and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just
smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and
spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage
trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning
with regrets, so.....'Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the
ones who don't.'

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you
take it!

[אנדי פעטיט]

זייער שיין און ריכטיג.

[ליפא]

וויאזוי עס וועט אויסקוקן אין וואשינגטאן די. סי. נאך א נוקלעאר אטאקע

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/arti ... article.do

עטעטשמענטס

article-1022840-0168F03500000578-456_.jpg (103.62 KiB) געזעהן געווארן 380 מאל

[סאכדעס]

פארשלאפן, גוט.

[שמערי בערי]

שרעקעדיג.....

[ליפא]

10 ways to terrorize a telemarketer


10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked
because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems;
my
arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog
just died."

9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell
their
name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where their
company is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions
about their for as long as necessary. Such as when did their company
start,
who was the founder, are they still with company?

8. Cry out in surprise, the name of the telemarker name such as
"Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?"
Hopefully, this will give "Judy" a few brief moments of pause as
she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have
any friends. would you be my friend?"

6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home arrest" and ask if they
could bring you a case of beer and some chips.

4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry
you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just
give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they
will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When
the
telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you
say
"I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The
telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"

2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
"Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

And first and foremost:

1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD
down

[חיים]

ליפא ס'ריזיג איך טראכט צו עס וואלט געווען כדאי איבערצוטייטשן אויף אידיש עס קען זיין אז ס'וואלט פארלוירן די ארגינעלקייט

[לעווי]

איך האב שוין געטון עצה נומער 3 כמה פעמים און עס האט געהאלפן יעדעס מאל.

יישר כח ליפא.