באקומען אין אימעיל

[אנדי פעטיט]

איך ברעך מיך קאפ אויס צו פיגערען די ענטפער.

איי ניד העלפ!!!!!!!!!!

עטעטשמענטס

3b3dbaf68507998acd6a5a5254ab2d76.jpg (27.87 KiB) געזעהן געווארן 1038 מאל

[cano]

עס איז די זעלבע זאך אין עס פעלט איין באקס ווען עס איז אנדערש אויסגעשטעלט, אבער פארוואס כאפ איך אויך נישט,

איך האב עס ארויסגעפרינט, און אויסגעשניטען, צוגעשטעלט שטיקעל צו שטיקעל, און עס שטימט איין קעסטעל ווערט פארלוירען, אבער די סיבה פארשטיי איך נישט,

אזוי וואו איך האב נישט קיין רעטעניש שטעל איך מיך צו צי ענדי'ס בקשה, איי ניד העלפ.

[איך_הער]

ס'איז מורא'דיג אינטערעסאנט, און עיי קענט פיגערעט אאוט.

[אנדי פעטיט]

לעטס גאו!!!!!!!!!

אוואו זענען אינזערע חכמי כעלעם?

[Jewboy]

Planting Jewish Potatoes"

An old Jewish man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato

garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son

Saul, who used to help him, was in prison for Insider Trading and Stock

Fraud.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Solly: I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to


plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging

up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know

you would dig the plot for me.



Love, Papa



A few days later the old man received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa, For heaven's sake Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where
I the the money & stocks.

Love, Solly.



At 4 am the next morning, a team of FBI agents and local police arrived at

the old mabn's house and dug up the entire area without finding any money or

stocks. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man

received another letter from his son.



Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do

under the circumstances.

Love, Your son, Solly.

[אנדי פעטיט]

לא"ה

[Jewboy]

Our philosophy:



Some people are cheap, and all that matters is paying the lowest price. We’re here to offer you the absolutely cheapest way to get to Israel. Obviously, we aren’t going to offer you any sort of pampering, extra services or attentive staff.




However, we will get you there and back safely, and that's really all that matters when price is the only issue.




Here is what you can expect when Flying ZolAir

Reserved Seats.You can upgrade to preferred seat by choosing one of the following options:

Window seats: $10.00
Isle seats: $10.00
For seats in the first 5 rows: $15.00 (this is in addition to fees for Isle or Window)
For seats in rows 6 - 10: $8.00 (this is in addition to fees for Isle or Window)
Without an upgrade seats will be assigned upon checkin. However, we will seat men and women separately. Men in the front, Women in the rear Women can not purchase seats in the front of the plane). Families may request to be seated together in the middle for a $10 per seat charge.




Food. We do not provide meal service. Airline food taste awful anyhow! Bring whatever you’d like onboard. Drinks and snacks will be available as follows:

Tea and Coffee: $4.00
Soda and Water: $4.00
Chips and Pretzels: $4.50
Assorted pastries: $5.00



Amenities: We offer the following amenities as follows:

Pillows: $5.00
Blankets: $8.00
Headsets: $5.00
Reservations. All reservations must be made online. We do not provide telephone support.

Changes/ Cancellations. When you buy the ticket, it’s yours. No changes, cancellations or refunds.




Customer Service. If you are unhappy, don’t fly with us again. We do not have a customer service department.


Baggage. Your fare ($499 roundtrip) includes your seat and nothing else. Each pound of checked/ cabin baggage is $1.25.




Heavy People Pay More. Your fare ($499 roundtrip) includes 165 pounds. Excess weight is $1.25 per pound.




Limited Staff. In order to keep our prices low, we have a very limited staff, our flight attendants will be available in the front and rear of the plane to assist you.

[אנדי פעטיט]

ווען מאכט זיך אויף די עירליין?

[קרעמער]

די פאטעיטא מעשה איז געוואלטיג!

[גבאי]

איך האלט אויך אזוי ווי קרעמער

[איך_הער]

און איך אויך, שכוח אידיש קינד.

[אנדי פעטיט]

עס קומט זיך אים!!!!! הא? וואס זאגט איר?

עטעטשמענטס

9431c87f273e507e6040fcb07dcb4509.jpg (28.62 KiB) געזעהן געווארן 1113 מאל

[3x0]

חחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחחח.

[אנדי פעטיט]

ווי אזוי איז מען מחנך די קינד פון קליין ווייז אן?


http://download.yousendit.com/9FCC80FB5786A305

[קרעמער]

אזוי ווי איך בין אביסל פויל צו טאן דערין... געב איך איבער די פולע רעכטן פאר כל מאן דבעי. (די וואס שיקן די אימעילס מיינען טאקע אז איך האב שוין פארלוירן דאס ביסל שכל וואס איך האב געהאט??)

Atten

I am Barr Edward A. Cole, a solicitor at law. I am the personal
Attorney to Late Mr. Alexander Litvinenko, A Russian ex-Spy in London who Was poison with polonium-210 and died on the 23rd of November 2006 at The University College Hospital here in Central London. Before his Death my client made a secret and confidential confession to me that he Was poisoned by his Russian Associates.


Two weeks before his death my client told me that he lodged a Consignment worth ($5 million Dollars) in a depository firm in abroad which I cannot disclose to you now but he tagged the consignment to be Photographic materials for export I.e. the Finance Security firm are not enlighten about the content of the consignment. As his personal Attorney I believe that his associates will be coming after me because My client never told me why they poisoned him rather in his confession he told me not to disclose to anyone (Associates OR Family) about the fund.


You will be ready to travel and claim the consignment from the Security firm and immediate preparation of memorandum agreement that will establish a Structural relationship between us and also spell out your 40% for your assistance And the working conditions for investment with you
in your country, I assure You 100% risk free in this ansaction now or in future and will be no trace of the Transfer, Hope to hear from you soon


Sincerely
Barrister Edward A. Cole

[קרעמער]

The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world
> are:

> > 3. Tele-fax
> > 2. Tele-phone
> > 1. Tell-a-woman
> >
> > Need it faster??
> > Ask her not to tell anyone!!!!
> >

[אנדי פעטיט]

לא"ה

[אלעקסיי]

איך עס באקומען אויפן טעקסט מעססדעזש (דאכט זיך אז ס'ליגט שוין אין דארטיגען אשכול)

[מאשקע]

באקומען אין אימעיל בזה"ל:

Your current Verizon Wireless bill statement is now available for online viewing. The current balance due is $732.70. You can conveniently view your bill statement at www.verizonwireless.com .

[קאניאק]

באקומען א אימעל
היינט האב איך געארבעט אן געארבעט אין געארבעט ביז איך האב געזען פירות

[מאשקע]

חחחחח

[יאנאש]

באקומען אין אימעיל בזה"ל:

Your current Verizon Wireless bill statement is now available for online viewing. The current balance due is $732.70. You can conveniently view your bill statement at www.verizonwireless.com .

גוט גוט, ביי א צווייטן איז אויך אנגעקומען דער זעלבער אימעיל, אבער דארט איז געשטאנען אז קארענט בעלענס דאו איז 56.73, גיי ווייס פארוואס זיי מאכן אזעלכע דראסטישע חילוקים צווישן טייערע קאנטעמערס.

[אנדי פעטיט]

באקומען אין אימעיל בזה"ל:

Your current Verizon Wireless bill statement is now available for online viewing. The current balance due is $732.70. You can conveniently view your bill statement at www.verizonwireless.com

.

איך האב באקומען אן ענדליגע אימעיל, וזל"ק:

Switch to verizon wireless and get 6 months free. Visit us at www.verizonwireless.com

[אנדי פעטיט]

אפאר זענען גאנץ גוט.

TOP 30 RESULTS OF HAVING A
JEWISH VICE PRESIDENT
by Kalman Klonymous Killerbendel

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1.New scandalous headline: "President caught eating gebrokts ."

2.Presidential oath ends with "Bli neder."

3.Inaugural ball features performances by Bob Dylan, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, Barry Manilow ... and Shloime Dachs.

4.International negotiations sound something like this: "Alright, we'll give it to you at cost. We're LITERALLY losing money on it, but we want to hold on to a good customer ..."

5.Announcement overheard frequently at White House: "Mincha in the main dining room in five minutes!"

6.Talking during chazaras hashatz considered a federal crime.

7.Shabbos: President doesn't get Maftir. Sunday: Gabbai is audited.

8.Downside: Shacharis takes four hours because after each aliyah, Mi Shebeirach is made for all members of House and Senate.

9.Navy Seals replaced by Flatbush Shomrim.

10. Surgeon General warning posted on every crockpot.

11. Landau's and Chap-a-Nosh's Shabbos deliveries made by Air Force One.

12. Dozens of people stand outside White House every Friday afternoon, selling flowers.

13. Congressional Medal of Honor given to Mishnayos Ba'al Peh winners.

14. Heard at every White House press conference: "Okay, we'll take some questions. Let's start with ... Arnold from the Jewish Press ..."

15. Presidential debates moderated by Kayla Kuchleffel.

16. Alternate-side parking suspended on days with no Tachanun.

17. First family lives with shver while White House is being redone.

18. Department of Agriculture closed during shmittah.

19. Federal deficit covered by Yomim Nora'im appeal.

20. All government mailings contain Sefiras Ha'omer calendars or Bedikas Chometz feathers.

21. Hotline to Moscow switched to Econo-Phone.

22. Photo of President put on Chesed dollars.

23. President requests Order of Protection against some wacko, Kalman Klonymous Killerbendel, who keeps calling and asking for an interview.

24. Air Force One to be renamed El Al Gore.

25. Saturday Night State Dinners to be replaced by Sunday Night Chinese.

26. Inauguration to be completed with Breaking of Glass.

27. Every time "Hail to the Chief" is played, Secret Servicemen lift Gore in a chair and dance around.

28. U.S. never to pay retail again for nuclear warheads.

29. Camp David relocated to Palm Beach.

30. In first major trade agreement with India, New Delhi to be renamed Carnegie Delhi.

[farshlufen]

באקומען אין אימעיל:

Subject: A GREAT MARRIED COUPLE

>He ordered one hamburger, one order
of French fries and one drink . The old man un-wrapped the plain hamburger and
carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. He then
carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly
placed one pile in front of his wife.He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a
sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of
hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could
tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal
for the two of them."As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the
table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man
said they were just fine - They were used to sharing everything.The surrounding
people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching
her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.Again the young
man came over and begged th em to let him buy another meal for them. This time
the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything." As the old
man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again
came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and
asked "What is it you are waiting for?"She answered(This is great)****** ****"THE
TEETH."