Jokes

[קיקיון]

Figuring that her four-year-old son Mendy was listening in the next room, Surie decided to tell her husband Dovid the Purim gift she had bought for Mendy by spelling out the words “fire truck.”
Dovid nodded and said, “I think it would be a great gift.”
From the other side of the wall, they heard little Mendy yell, “I don't want letters for Purim!”

[פרעזידענט]

How come Uber Eats so successful?

...They have the best SERVERS

[קיקיון]

2177.jpeg (45.77 KiB) געזעהן 2839 מאל

[קאטאגאריש]

Here I am

"My boss told me "You are a JOKE

[קיקיון]

Calories
Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.

[ברוך מ'לאנדאן]

זייט מיין לעצטע שויער איז שוין געווען 3 שיסערייען אין אמעריקע מיט 35 טויטע

[קיקיון]

It took me a while to understand this

Abe was talking to his neighbor. "I’ve just bought a new hearing aid, Izzy. It was very expensive at $2,000, but its state of the art and worth every penny."

"Really?" says Izzy, "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

[קיקיון]

It took me a while to understand this

Abe was talking to his neighbor. "I’ve just bought a new hearing aid, Izzy. It was very expensive at $2,000, but its state of the art and worth every penny."

"Really?" says Izzy, "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

[ברוינע באנאנע]

It took me a while to understand this

Abe was talking to his neighbor. "I’ve just bought a new hearing aid, Izzy. It was very expensive at $2,000, but its state of the art and worth every penny."

"Really?" says Izzy, "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

dont chap joke you be me masbir ?

[YYTG]

It took me a while to understand this

Abe was talking to his neighbor. "I’ve just bought a new hearing aid, Izzy. It was very expensive at $2,000, but its state of the art and worth every penny."

"Really?" says Izzy, "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

dont chap joke you be me masbir ?

Even with the expensive hearing aid he thought hes asking what time is it

[קיקיון]

Even with the expensive hearing aid he thought hes asking what time is it

dont chap joke you be me masbir ?

Your English is as good as Sadies's Yiddish

Sadie, an elderly lady, goes up to a man at a bus stop in Boro Park.
She tugs on the sleeve of his coat and asks, "Farshtayn Yiddish?"
The man answers, "Yes, ich farshtay."
Sadie then says, "Vot time is it?"

[קיקיון]

37655

A man joined a multinational company as a trainee.
On his first day he dialed the cafeteria and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool. You've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"
The trainee shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"
"No," replied the CEO.
"Good!" replied the trainee as he put down the phone.

[העלאו]

37655

A man joined a multinational company as a trainee.
On his first day he dialed the cafeteria and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool. You've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"
The trainee shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"
"No," replied the CEO.
"Good!" replied the trainee as he put down the phone.

[קיקיון]

46

A yungerman was hired as rabbi in a small old community in Chicago. On his very first Shabbos, a heated debate erupted as to whether one should stand or sit during the reading of the Aseres Hadibros.
The next day, the rabbi visited 98 year-old Mr. Katz in the nursing home. "Mr. Katz, I'm asking you, as the oldest member of the community," said the rabbi, "what is our shul's minhag during the reading of the Aseres Hadibros?"
"Why do you ask?" asked Mr. Katz.
"Yesterday we read the Aseres Hadibros. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down..."
"That," said the old man, "is our minhag."

[פּשוט און פּראָסט]

זייט מיין לעצטע שויער איז שוין געווען 3 שיסערייען אין אמעריקע מיט 35 טויטע

שױן גארנישט קײן זשאוק

ראָנג אשכול

[חושב מחשבות...]

46

A yungerman was hired as rabbi in a small old community in Chicago. On his very first Shabbos, a heated debate erupted as to whether one should stand or sit during the reading of the Aseres Hadibros.
The next day, the rabbi visited 98 year-old Mr. Katz in the nursing home. "Mr. Katz, I'm asking you, as the oldest member of the community," said the rabbi, "what is our shul's minhag during the reading of the Aseres Hadibros?"
"Why do you ask?" asked Mr. Katz.
"Yesterday we read the Aseres Hadibros. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down..."
"That," said the old man, "is our minhag."

[nmi]

46

A yungerman was hired as rabbi in a small old community in Chicago. On his very first Shabbos, a heated debate erupted as to whether one should stand or sit during the reading of the Aseres Hadibros.
The next day, the rabbi visited 98 year-old Mr. Katz in the nursing home. "Mr. Katz, I'm asking you, as the oldest member of the community," said the rabbi, "what is our shul's minhag during the reading of the Aseres Hadibros?"
"Why do you ask?" asked Mr. Katz.
"Yesterday we read the Aseres Hadibros. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down..."
"That," said the old man, "is our minhag."

גו....ט.

[קענדי'ס]

46

A yungerman was hired as rabbi in a small old community in Chicago. On his very first Shabbos, a heated debate erupted as to whether one should stand or sit during the reading of the Aseres Hadibros.
The next day, the rabbi visited 98 year-old Mr. Katz in the nursing home. "Mr. Katz, I'm asking you, as the oldest member of the community," said the rabbi, "what is our shul's minhag during the reading of the Aseres Hadibros?"
"Why do you ask?" asked Mr. Katz.
"Yesterday we read the Aseres Hadibros. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down..."
"That," said the old man, "is our minhag."

שוין גארנישט קיין טשואק
פארדעם איז טאקע געקומען א חרבן
מיט א וועלט מלחמה

[קיקיון]

I hope you will enjoy this choke

Moty went to see his supervisor. "Boss," he said, "we're doing some heavy housecleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife asked me to stay home and help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're shorthanded," the boss replied. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thank you," said Morty. "I knew I could count on you!"

[קיקיון]

60

Herman sat in the blazing sun all day without catching a single fish.
.On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and told the fish salesman
"Pick four large bass and throw them at me,
"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
"Okay, but take trout."
"Why?"
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said if you came by I should tell you to take the trout
because that’s what she wants to have for supper tonight."

[קיקיון]

45

Rifka,was teaching her 6 ix-year-old daughter Ruth how to unbuckle her seat belt.
Ruth asked, "Do I click the red square, Mommy?"
Rifka said, "Yes, darling."
Ruth then asked, "Single click or double click?"

[מים חיים]

45

וואס זענען די געהיימע קאודס ?

[קיקיון]

45

וואס זענען די געהיימע קאודס ?

?? why do you think I coded it

[מים חיים]

45

וואס זענען די געהיימע קאודס ?

?? why do you think I coded it

איך זאל האבן וואס צו פרעגן

[פראהביטש]

411508b6dbe84fa1afb1a27e07089daf.jpg (84.41 KiB) געזעהן 1086 מאל